Relationships are not easy, and in this day and age of social media access, we tend to get tricked into thinking they might be easy for other people.
You never know what’s going on behind the scenes of someone else’s relationship is always a mystery unless they choose to share, though, and this OP is giving us a snapshot of what it can be like to love someone struggling with their mental health.
OP starts by saying he’s begin to enjoy coffee that’s a bit fancier than he used to – and a bit pricier.
I’ve lately come to enjoy some nicer coffee than I usually drank.
I brew it at home, so we’re not talking daily $7 drinks or anything.
Instead of getting a giant bulk bag of Kirkland coffee, I’ve come to enjoy a $12 bag from the grocery store. It lasts a bit over a week, maybe two. Instead of $15 for about 5 weeks.
His wife stays home while he works from home, and she’s been struggling with depression and leaving most of the household duties to him, too.
My wife doesn’t work. I work from home. She also unfortunately isn’t doing a lot around the house right now because of a medical condition. I’ve been picking up most of the slack while she sits around. This has been going on for 6 months for the household, years for the job.
Yes, she has depression, yes she’s getting treatment for it.
I try my best to do what I can, but often times I have to ask her multiple times to help with even simple tasks to share responsibility. We’ve had discussions on how I know she’s working on the issue, but I can’t do everything on my own.
He’s been getting frustrated while trying to stay supportive, and even though she’s been making comments about his “fancy” coffee, he knows they can afford it and stay within their existing budget.
I make plenty to be able to have my coffee be a splurge. She’d previously commented on the cost, and I said “It’s well within the budget, and I like it. It’s fine.” EDIT: I’d shown her the grocery budget in YNAB, which is nearly always under-budget every month for the past few years.
I brought home another bag the other day, and she made a comment along the lines of “You’re spending way too much on this fancy coffee. You need to go back to the other stuff.”
Recently he lost his cool with her, ending an argument by telling her that if she wanted to have some say in the budget she needed to start contributing again.
Having had to make the grocery run again, after doing other household chores that morning, I snapped “The one with the job gets to make the grocery choices. Work again or contribute to the household and you can have a say in what we buy.”
She called me a cold-hearted asshole and stormed out of the room.
So AITA for my reaction to being called out on coffee buying?
Now he’s wondering whether or not he was out of line, and you know Reddit is waiting to give him their thoughts!
The top comment points out this has nothing to do with coffee, and encourages OP to really push his wife into getting back into life.
And this person reminds him that his feelings are just as valid as hers.
Most comments were very supportive of OP, and contained some great advice, too.
This person has been where the wife is, and thinks OP definitely needs to give her a push.
This person suggests that, frustrated or not, we have to try to speak kindly to the people we love.
This is such a tough conversation, but for couples going through something similar, it’s great to know that they’re not alone.
Have you gone through something similar? Tell us in the comments how this story resonated with you.