How will your year be according to your astrological sign

A year begins and it all begins again. It is time for me to take advantage of my Bac + 5 in clairvoyance at the school of the Moon to tell you what will be your sorrows and your joys for the year 2022 according to your sign.

1. Aries

Health : knitting is an activity that will develop you both physically and morally in 2022. You will gain in dexterity and finally succeed in making scissors with your hand as well as the E7 # 9 chord on your guitar.

Job : you are going to create an interior decoration start-up and make a fortune with a bottle green dresser with parrot designs on it. Maison du Monde will try to redeem you but you will refuse (because they never wanted to give you a 10% discount on their boredom scent candle).

Love : your happiness will be equal to the number of moles you have on your right cheek.

2. Taurus

Health : it is a depolluting succulent plant that will save your year. Ridding your apartment of its toxins it will also wash your soul of its sins and life will be all the better for it. Congratulations.

Job : There is no point in running for those who know how to wait, the toad’s slime does not reach the white dove. Yes you’re going to be fired, sorry but at the same time you’re getting drunk.

Love : it is the highway of sex for you this year, you go enormously ken with including with an antivax (fascinating is not it?).

3. Gemini

Health : your health will be iron, you will shine the whole year with energy and good nature. Your complexion will be fabulous and your cheeks rosy. Thanks to your 0+ blood group and your consumption of cod liver, you will be the only human not to catch the Omicron variant in 2022.

Job : you will ask your boss for an increase who will accept by adding an additional 200 € per month to your salary in addition to what you had requested

Love : you are going to get married, have a child and become a grandmother or grandfather the same year.

4. Cancer

Health : Missing a step on the stairs will have serious consequences on your year. The stars refuse to say more but indicate that a turnip could be very useful to you.

Job : Thomas is going to tell Manon that Alice did not like the theme of your powerpoint on the operation report of the QRZE file. Big bad in perspective in the meeting room.

Love : listen to your heart and follow the wind in your hair.

5. Lion

Health : a rather positive result on the health side since you will have the chance to hibernate for 6 months, from the beginning of October to the end of April.

Job : if you retire you will not have a retirement because the government will implode and the state coffers will be plundered by the merged clone of the late Bogdanov brothers.

Love : if you do a turn on yourself during each full moon at midnight sharp while humming “La cucaracha” you will meet the love promised by Jupiter with Venus when Mercury is in retrograde.

6. Virgo

Health : this gym membership will literally transform you, you will be pushing cast iron with your legs and the inside of your thighs will be incredibly muscular and beautiful. On the other hand, you are going to nab the new Etron variant which requires 8 years of isolation. Courage!

Job : you will become the best Pokémon trainer of all time.

Love : glory and beauty

7. Balance

Health : thanks to a thyme herbal tea you won’t get sick all year round. Thanks to you we discovered the cure for Covid and all its variants, on the other hand you will be the first patient to contract a new disease consisting of vomiting through the eyes.

Job : Michel Cymes will contact you to co-host a show but as you don’t know your multiplication table of 7 well, he fires you from the credits.

Love : you discover the techno remixes of Kate Ryan, your spouse leaves you as well as all your family and humanity too.

8. Scorpio

Health : after eating 2 boxes of Cherry Ricola you will suffer from acute diarrhea for 123 days.

Job : your colleagues are going to offer you a book “how to become a good person when you’re a big jerk”. Haha they are idiots.

Love : the third person you are going to meet today, animals and humans included, will make you an unexpected proposition.

9. Sagittarius

Health : You will pass under a ladder on March 11 just after passing a black cat without paying attention and the ladder will collapse on you. You will die in your excruciating pain.

Job : your boss will not mourn your departure.

Love : your other half will find someone else 4 months after your death.

10. Capricorn

Health : a canker sore will paralyze your right forearm and you will not be able to masturbate for 48 days because of it. You will try to become ambidextrous, without success.

Job : after starting studies in psychology to get to know yourself, you will learn that your personality is not interesting.

Love : the only words of love you will receive will be the ones you read on your Yogi Tea tea bags.

11. Aquarius

Health : 2022 is the year when you decide to take back control, but after installing several applications to run, control your calories, and the composition of your food, you will sink into a deep depression and spend a stay in Saint-Anne.

Job : a good year in perspective, Sophie from LinkedIn Premium will send you a lot of messages

Love : if your name is Juliet you will meet your Romeo, if your name is Romeo you will meet your Juliet. If you don’t wear any of these names you will be fine fucking yourself.

12. Pisces

Health : it is by swallowing an ibuprofen that you will cure cancer.

Job : after throwing a card in the yellow bin, Macron will ask you to join the government to be minister of ecological and solidarity transition.

Love : you will fall in love with a white and gray striped sweater. You are going to make love a lot.

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