Our parents are super instrumental in our health, growth, and development – whether they’re super mindful about it or not, it’s the luck of the draw.
Some people, like this woman, end up with mothers who aren’t everything they could have been. Sometimes they do regret that once they’re older.
I (18f) am my mom’s (41f) first and oldest child. She and my dad weren’t together and I lived with him from a very young age because she was busy with her career.
So, while she was around for my younger years, she wasn’t as present as she told me she would’ve liked to be.
Now, OP’s mother has married and had a child with her new partner. OP is enjoying being a big sister even if she realizes their relationship will probably never be a “typical” sibling situation.
She has a husband(38m). He’s a nice guy, and he treats her like a queen so I’m happy she’s met him. He and my mom wanted a kid of their own so they ended up having my little brother earlier this year.
I love my brother, and I like spending time with him, but I’m very aware that our age gap is going to make a “normal sibling relationship” a bit unachievable.
That said, she’s signed up for a semester abroad and gotten a full scholarship to boot. Her father and stepfather are thrilled for her, but her mother thinks she’s making the wrong decision in being so far away from family.
Specifically, to miss so many formative moments in her baby brother’s life.
I was a dual enrolled college/high school student, so I got my associates the same time I got my HS diploma. The college I transferred to has a study abroad program that I got a full ride scholarship for. I’m set to go next year, and I’m seriously so excited. My dad was really happy for me when I told him, and so was my stepdad, but my mom didn’t seem all that excited about it.
She told me later that she doesn’t think me doing school in another country is a good idea. I thought at first that maybe it was just her worrying about me being alone or something so I tried to reassure her by telling her my friend was in the same program so we’d be together.
She clarified that her biggest concern was how much time I’d be spending away from home, seeing as how it wouldn’t be practical for me to fly back for all the holidays I would have visited if I were to be in the country.
She said me going away during my little brother’s earliest years was going to make it difficult for the two of us to really know each other the way we would if I were around.
OP told her mom that she can’t just put her life on hold because her mother decided to start over with a new baby, and feelings were hurt in the process.
I told her that it’s not like I’d never come back or anything, and by the time I’m home again he probably won’t even be in school yet, so I’d still be around for his early years.
She insisted that it wouldn’t be the same, and that I should want to stay here anyway because a good sister wouldn’t want to leave her little brother.
I got upset at that and told her that I never asked to be a sister, especially not this far into my life, and that it’s not fair of her to want me to put my future on pause all because she decided she needed to start over again with motherhood.
Is OP being selfish? Will she regret her choice? Should she have been kinder with her words?
That really upset her, and I didn’t feel like arguing anymore so I just went over to my dad’s house and I’ve been here ever since. I did tell him what happened, and he said that I should choose what I feel is best for myself, and no choice I make about this would make me a bad older sister or even a bad daughter.
That did make me feel a little better about it but I still feel kind of awful. I love my mom, I love my brother too, but I don’t want to throw away this opportunity.
Still though, AITA for what I said to her?
Reddit is weighing in below!
Many people, including this one, thought Mom was hoping OP would be around as a free babysitter.
They think her concern might be just a little bit misplaced.
They point out that her mom doesn’t have that great of a track record.
A good mom would want the best opportunities for her girl, right?
It might not be true…but then again it might be.
This girl has her head on straight and I certainly hope she goes abroad and enjoys herself, too!
If you were her mom would you have been concerned? Tell us why or why not in the comments!