Listen, I know there are technically scarier animals in the world than birds, but they totally freak me out. They’re too smart for their own good, they can fly, and something about their beaks really weird me out.
Geese are definitely birds you don’t want to mess with – people say the nice people of Canada have poured all of their ire into their geese and that might be true.
These 15 people have gotten on the wrong side of a goose or geese, and I think they would entertain the idea for sure.
15. I bet he picked a different school.
Table of Contents
“When I was touring Western University they were everywhere! Two of them were fighting so hard, I thought they were going to kill each other — but when our tour stopped to talk about one of the buildings, one of the geese flew through our group and whipped my leg with its wing.”
14. Avoid confrontation if you can.
“Geese are no joke! Once I was walking and saw a gaggle… long story short, I took the long way back.”
13. The only children they like are their own.
“My daycare was next to a pond, which became a favorite haunt of a flock of geese. We were terrified of them, because we were perfectly bite-sized and they hunted us.
Sometimes when we went outside we’d hear a kid start screaming and know that the geese got another one. Those bastards hurt when they bite.”
12. They like to have lots of personal space.
“When walking on a path with geese near I always make sure to go as far as possible around them yet they still get angry sometimes….pure evil.”
11. Parents will put themselves in harms way.
“Our small local zoo is ‘home’ to geese every year, and we give their nests a wide berth.
My son was a toddler and wandered a little too close to a goose, and that bastard started hissing and charging towards him. I stepped between them and yelled at the hell-beast until it backed off.”
10. I mean how dare you.
“Once when I was 12 years old in Alberta, I was riding around on my bike and there were some geese.
I thought that they would move out of the way like other birds, but they didn’t. So I ended up lightly bumping into one.
It chased me for 2 blocks!”
9. I bet she left some hair behind.
“When I was a kid, my sister and I were beside a river when a goose grabbed a chunk of my sisters hair in its mouth.
I’m not sure how it got so close to us so fast, but I just remember my dad picking us both up from the necks of our jackets and running!”
8. I had no idea they would give chase.
“I was walking my dog and a goose was laying on the grass on the way to my building— I thought I had enough space to do a big loop around it on the grass…but no.
This thing got up and started chasing me and hissing. I had to do a major detour around three buildings to avoid it.”
7. They are not subtle beings.
“Let’s not forget, wherever there are Canada Geese, there is Canada Geese POOP!
I went to a school where the football/soccer field was just up the hill from a pond, so mid-migration flocks of geese would land on the pond and then troop up to the field and camp out — literally hundreds at a time. Which made things fun for anyone who played sports on that field.
Basically, if you lost your footing, you’d stand up with your clothing streaked green from goose poop.”
6. They were all held hostage.
“My old college campus was invaded by geese. They formed a gang and would harass students at random.
It was a perfectly legitimate excuse to be late to class if you said you were attacked by geese.
I saw one trap a grown man in his car once.”
5. Is there anything good about them?
“Canada Geese are absolute aggressive di**s.
They are like feathered gangs, and they s*%t all over the sidewalks in Lincoln Park which is a slippery, stinky hazard!”
4. At least they couldn’t open the doors.
“Two of them ended up inside my high school in Mississauga and the principal came on the announcements to tell us not to leave our classrooms until the staff got the geese out!”
3. Watch your face.
“As someone from Waterloo, the geese will chase you if you look at them wrong!”
2. It didn’t like the cut of his jib.
“When I lived in residence in my first year of university, there was a goose that used to hang out just outside the doors to my building.
A couple weeks into the school year it started attacking me every time I went outside. The damn thing would be chill when everyone else walked out and the moment I went through the door it would charge at me, honking it’s little evil face.
I wound up having to use the back door into the building for a couple of months until Winter. I ~thought~ I was in the clear after that but when Spring hit — guess who showed up outside the doors? The evil cobra chicken himself.”
1. Murder in its eyes.
“One time during a field trip when I was in high school, I was dared to go up to a goose — when I got within 2 meters of it, all of a sudden all hell broke loose and this dinosaur of a Canadian Goose decided to chase me around relentlessly for a good 10 minutes while my friends just stood and laughed their a$$es off!!
It hissed at me constantly and had murder in its eyes. Ever since, I have always tried to stay as far away from Canadian Geese as possible.”
I know I’m terrible for laughing, but these are hilarious and terrifying at the same time.
Have you ever survived a confrontation with a goose? We’re dying to hear the story down in the comments!